Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
