So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
