Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
