why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
