I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
