If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
