If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
