There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
