after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
