In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
