My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
