Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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