i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
