it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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