i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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