if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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