my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
