just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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