I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
