that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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