i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is wine microwaveable?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
