I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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