Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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