Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
