I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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