I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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