So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
