I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need a beard to bite.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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