New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
