This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
