that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
