I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Text me some of your sweat
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
