My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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