And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
