Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
