It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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