I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
