Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
