I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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