Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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