moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
