her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
