I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
