I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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