she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
