Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
