There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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