I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
