You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
