ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
